Knowing you’d like to be more confident, both in and out of the bedroom, is easy. It’s getting in touch with that confidence and making it feel natural that’s really challenging. That said, have you always longed to be a more effortlessly sexual person? Would you like to be the sort of woman who’s unabashedly comfortable in her own skin? It’s simpler than you probably think.

That brand of raw sexuality that seems to flow so naturally for some people has a lot less to do with actual sex than you think. Sure, being comfortable with the idea of wearing a strap-on or dominating a partner like a boss can be sexy in its own way. However, it has a lot more to do with self-love and self-acceptance. Thankfully, these are qualities you can learn to cultivate with time and patience.

It Has to Be About You

Wanting to grow into a more primal version of yourself is admirable, but it’s important to do it for the right reasons. That said, what are your reasons for wanting to be more outwardly sexual? Is this something a partner pressured you into feeling you need to do in order to be more acceptable to them, or is it something you want to do for yourself?

Ultimately, channeling your inner sex kitten is about learning to love and appreciate yourself. Sexy, confident women don’t worry about whether they’re enough for their partners. They simply focus on being the best possible versions of themselves, resting easy in the knowledge that the right partner will appreciate that authenticity.

Address Any Underlying Issues

A person’s sexuality and sex drive can be pretty complex, so you’ll definitely want to ask yourself why you’re having trouble being as sexual as you want to be. Is it simply a confidence issue, or are there underlying medical or physical issues at work as well? If you struggle with a lack of desire or low sex drive, and you’re not sure why, consider asking a doctor about underlying issues that might be at play. You might be surprised how much it helps.

Taking good care of yourself physically is also key when it comes to maintaining a happy, healthy sex life. Nourish yourself with wholesome foods, move around as much as possible, keep stress to a minimum, and practice healthy self-care. When you’re good to the body you’re in, it’s easier to build a relationship with it and ultimately learn to love it more.

Communicate with Your Partner

If you’re in a relationship or otherwise have a regular sex partner, bringing them on board with what you’re trying to do will be really helpful. Let them know you’re working on becoming more confident and ask them to support you in your efforts however they can. If there’s something specific you need from them, let them know what that is. If your partner truly cares about you as they should, they’ll be happy to help any way they can.

You’ll also want to spend as much quality time as possible with your partner. Intimacy and chemistry in the bedroom go hand in hand with connection everywhere else. Foster a deeper connection as far as your relationship goes in general, and you might be surprised how quickly your inner sex kitten comes out.

Learn What You Like

Far too many women have little to no idea what they really enjoy sexually, because they wrongly think sex has to involve someone else in order to be worthwhile. Connecting with a partner in the bedroom is great, but sexually confident women know how to appreciate pleasure for its own sake all on their own as well. If you’re not in the habit of masturbating on your own, it’s officially time to start.

Pick a private, quiet place where you won’t be interrupted and simply enjoy the process of exploring your body. Experiment with different types of touch and stimulation. Invest in a couple good quality sex toys that appeal to you, and practice bringing yourself to orgasm in different ways. Exploring different types of porn or erotica can be a wonderful way to discover new turn-ons (and turn-offs) as well. The more you know about yourself sexually, the easier it will be to let your inner sex kitten off the leash more often.

Define Sexy for Yourself

Last but definitely not least, decide what sexy looks like and feels like to you, and cultivate that aesthetic. Maybe the epitome of feminine sex appeal to you really is do-me pumps, tight dresses, and lots of red lipstick. If that’s the case, that’s great, but sexy can just as easily look like jeans, a white t-shirt, and a freshly scrubbed face.

At the end of the day, you need to be able to look in the mirror and see someone you think is sexy looking back at you. Once you can do that, the rest is easy. Are you ready to get started?